1-
i know that in every terrible home
there is a hyperactive dog
i know that i know some peoples' parents
might have raised me better
i know that i'm not that smart
and even though i can get away with
looking at where your third eye should be
instead of the eyes plain on your face
somebody is gonna call bullshit if i say
something like
"our spirits danced...."
but i mean really, fuck you you know
what i mean that is the way of the wanderer
i can look at the world however i want and say whatever the hell i want
and it isnt my fault and it aint your fault if my mind is just
a pond filled with broken mirrors and frogs howling in the storm
it is something that I work on all day in the bog of my mind I
take at it with a spade for long hours
with the pick ax and the burning sage
I will cleanse it all the waters will be brackish no more that
Shit is going to sparkle like sing sing sing
This is what I was telling my Uncle Bob, who is
A murderer and the maniac;
The Horseman of Wal Mart Death
We live together now;
what a pair,
he, the foaming jug
i, the looming fly
He still has the pistol in his boot
He did not want me to live with him but I do
and this is a wee strange thing but
I shall explain it all let me tell you how it came to Be
2-
Now how strange for a beginning to begin
In Florida
Because as
we all know Florida is where
The people go to die or to go crazy and I
Wouldn’t have had much to do with that
Place if it were not for Uncle Bob who
Went down to Florida to do the latter by
That I mean he went bat shit crazy down
There amongst the groves and the hats and
The sun with its leer the sun that has dandruff
The sun that shucked the husks of little girls
until they were just shit like beef jerky
It is the place that reminds me of
Grotesque genitalia
Worms in stolen handbags
Living till the end of it all and just sipping
with the liquid golden but tepid in a mug
O Florida forgotten on the lawn chair
O Florida rotting cantaloupe
O Florida Christmas woe
Thither went the Uncle Bob
In secret
To lose his mind--formally at least
cuz he was always a loon calling on the lake but
Kin is kin and when my dad
--who was a good man god rest his memory--
Discovered the troubles in Florida he took up n
Went on down to see what he could do for
His brother Uncle Bob
Sure I do not know precisely what happened but
My senses tell me it was something like this
and the only thing i trust is my senses they
blind the shit outta me but they're good to have around anyway
My dad who was a good man went to see if Uncle Bob
Was alright because you know a man has his suspicions
He senses like a mom that something is amiss
my dad went down to St. Petersburg
he saw the birds like clouds
he saw the jade waters cooing like
one thousand sleeping mothers for a minute
it was eden it was beautiful
yea rite
it is hot as fuck down there—august in Tampa baby
and everything was just bleached til about invisible
so who knows what really goes on down there
while everyone is squinting and cant see a goddam
thing
my dad probably squinted past wrecks and camps
squinting with that squint face all wrinkled up rolling
along past the missing in actions and the wanteds and
its a miracle everyone doesnt just drive the coupes
off the skyways
ah but they dont and my dad drove on
through the screen door
he could see the flies
and deranged uncle bob
moving in the gloom
rolling like a windblown
turnip or something wtf
brother bob open up s’fred your brother
opened up the door
and brought my dad
in through the screen door
where the flies went by like wweeeooooo and got lost again
and the tv was like the air in the unholiest of valleys
and the rug was wooden varnished and by god it was like it
was carrying old bones and hexes in it
uncle bob sat in a chair
the chair might have been
part of his body, part of his heart;
it was red and mottled and
Uncle Bob was silent he was the
Back rooms of the butcher shops
Hanging meat that died so long ago
That is how I imagined that house
I wasnt too far off ha ha cuz now i live
in that house I call it Chez Terrible
o sigh decrepit cushion, o a curse on these
liquor cabinets, no i cannot even look at
the entrance to Uncle Bob's personal chamber
this house is
Haunted by one guy who isn’t
Even dead but Uncle Bob is almost there
his seven spirits have departed his
three souls have drifted
or they drifted away and then
came back to this house
uncle bob what the hell he got
3 ghosts just for him and he
aint even dead an
those ghosts dont do shit but hang
around all day man
They are not so bad a ghost never is
They don’t know what is going on they
gave me the middle finger and fell
out the windows
By name they are Bobby, Robby and Robert
Nobody can say from whence they came
They hover like storks They
are by the stove they are in
The box of cereal they tell each
Other stories under the bed they
Are a retarded audience They
sneezed on the blind dog They left
During the commercial they
Are everywhere in that house and I know
that they were there when my dad
was sitting in this house so long ago
My father saw the ghosts
He didn’t want to be rude so he was just
Mum!
My dad after a bout of silence
During which something rotted
And something else deflated
He says,
“well uh so Bob
the house
looks good”
and
“yeah ha ha bob that
dog
is still alive oh whats its name
ah that’s right it doesn’t have a name
”
Uncle Bob don’t say not a damn word he just
Rub the arms of the chair like he was
Dreaming of cats
While that psycho dog
Is snapping at things that don’t exist and
Crying out its melodies, dad's like 'gross'
‘o the
Songs of a diseased dog’ thinks dad
And they were quiet both until Uncle Bob
Does this reach
A reach to a little table sort of thing but
The reach was like he was going for a
Book of black magic or like
Classified info
Tome of Doom
Compendium of Secrets
Cosmic Recipe
Latin Codex
Sacred Rebuses
Tinctures of the Lost
Or a knife
But his reach brings back a old computer
That is all of just Dell on life support
And he looks at my dad very serious
For a long moment before Uncle Bob
Says, “D'ye know
Fred
The danger that we are in
The danger that all of us are in at
This very moment
Look out of the window Fred
I see them now
I see the bombs I see hands chopped right off I see
Whiplashes I cannot see their ladys’ faces just a
Black mask just a hole just sucking hoooosh
Look at them those fucking ragheads those
Sand niggers the mother fucking towel heads
Listen at this here---Fred it is TERRIBLE
TERRIBLE THINGS are afoot my brother”
And Uncle Bob types something on the tiny keyboard with his big hands, he quivers, then
reads these headlines like
DISABLED ELDERLY FRENCH WOMAN HELD HOSTAGE BY SOMALI JIHADIS DIES
SECRET CULT OF DEVOUT MUSLIM MEN MEET IN SECRET AND DISCUSS THE OVERTHROW OF AMERICA
THEY HAVE FOUND THE PRAYER RUGS AND COPIES OF THE KRAN IN OUR DESERT
dad's like 'wait ya mean the qu'ran?" uncle bob say
shut up fred
HEADLESS BODIES IN THE AMERICAN DESERT
MUSLIMS SNEAKING ACROSS THE DESERT AND OVER THE BORDER THEY SPEAK FLUENT SPANISH AND ARE DISGUISED AS MEXICANS
My dad sat and listened
I imagine my dad listening
To the terror streaming and shrieking ancient as it ever was
On fly the hooded harbingers of fear and hate comfortable
in their seats for all of mankind as they ever were
leaving their sky trails while i smoke in the alley
I remember when
uncle bob
showed me how he could chug
a bottle of schlitz in one glug
he showed me
on my birthday
and on new years
and on easter
at every funeral i've ever been to
I recaaaaaall
uncle bob slicking back
His white hairs with
Hands that had charred meat
All around the knuckles once I
Asked him about them and he said
“well jimbo sometimes I get myself
real drunk and since of course I’m ‘a
smokin all durin’ I forget bout the cigrette
and the butts burn all the way down and git
me these nasty old burns on my hands but they don’t
bother me none”
o heavens above I can see him now
drunk as a lord
somehow theres
confetti all over him and there he is
parked in his sedan with the window down
and the car alarm going off while he shouts
“give me the first class madam
I’m droppin’ trow”
i mean it should go without saying that
he was in the car by himself and there was
nobody else around, nope, nobody at all
at a wedding I saw him dance in
white blazer and black pants like
he was floating that was an illusion
his red face was
the setting sun over the arctic in winter and
at my aunt’s funeral he was drunk as a lord again
no he was drunk as the lord of the kings, sheesh
he stole some of my pokemon cards and ran away
while everybody else took my aunt to the cemetery
I remember talking
With uncle bob but he never told me
if he thinks like me, that everything grows out of trash
that every daffodil hides its roots deep in shit
shit like my dad, and uncle bob, and me, and my family
we are like the rebels hiding in the marsh---a blood line
with no galoshes and generations of bog ancestors to toil
the layers of marsh soil I can feel it in my teeth but one day I hope
to ascend the mountains and to go through the mists yes
I will be at peace I will close my eyes and not a single
THOUGHT
Will stagger forth out of the dark water and
disturb me no no how long have I tried to
keep my goddam mug from frowning
its tough shit smiling and ahhh I'm
ringing the bells I'm waking everybody up but
I'm going to bed or I'm remembering things but
they're the same thing anyway
3-
for long years I lived in the deep north
as I young sire I stood on the old green bridge
looked at the water below that moved
slow like concrete slow like sludge
I sniveled my hands turned purple
And I was about set to jump off I
Was a New England peasant I only
Wanted to die I imagined the ground
I would go away goodbye! and come back as a
Plant somewhere off the beaten trail
It would be o o so nice
You know its not so bad like that its
Just that folks sometimes feel as such
When the winter is above like a Russian nuke
Or you’ve been bumping along
in the doldrums off the coast thinking
about the ripping sails and the storm;
“takin on some water here boys lets
try to limp home” but everybody knows
when that ship comes in its gonna be
fucked
no not a soul left among the living all hands have died I wrote a note that said
“it was the black despair that got us” and put it in a tiny bottle sent that lady afloat
lost in New Hampshire like a drunken shepherd the sheep
have long since fled the canyons and dammit here I am
with this crook I look up and see 3 moons and they’re
like the skulls of the three stooges spitting down on me
16 years old and dreaming with the bottle of curses yes
when I was 16 I told people that I hadn’t been out of my
room since Regan was in office I was drunk I was hiding
concocting plans that never amounted to shit except for
falling asleep without knowing if it was night or day
o forgive me I have sought oblivion crawling along the sea floor
I swear I am no damn bottom feeder If I was my soul would be
Burning but nay nay I rage against the black swamps that call out
To me with their kazoos and partyhats no no no I wont go down there
13 years old sticking my tongue out squatting in the parking lot
something bleeding no doubt whistling to the war kings with
the bucks strapped to the hoods of their 4x4s I went home and
took my ass over to this kid’s house and his mom gave me sass
her name was Carol unholy whore of the bourgousie no Carol
asks me a question or something it must have been sassy cuz I DO
KNOW WHO RENOIR IS and I hate his ass
I don’t want any sushi it looks like rabies i
kicked Carol in the face I had steel toes I took to my winged heels dam sho
holy hell
I was awful I lived back there under the eclipse no shade
when I cough the guitar echoes I scandalized all of the sisters
why even bother to discuss it?
well you know a man has made his errors throwing
pennies in the well for idiots and some folks jump
right in the well you can hear them hiccuping down there
some get out some got skipping souls
you know I
know now that every woman manchild has his own path everybody
that i know has their own little old road some of em covered in dog shit
i just looked back at the craters on that path o sheesh my early days
goddam i was like MIA in operation desert fart I will look back no more
i journey onwards ha ha ho ho now here I go i have a trumpet
here i go nobody hands out maps for this route ladies start gearin up
oh darn those bells i hear them ringing o i'm ringing the bells
I am not crazy I am not violent nor is my devouring sorrow natural
No I was born pink and singing I was like all other babies a
Cherry blossom floating down from the tree I was fresh snow
It was this goddam world that did it to me it was the math teacher
with the mouth like a giant squid It was the coach who made me
eat mud and twisted my arm when I fucked up It was the junkies
next door that said rude shit to my mom when she was coming home
It was the fucking president he made my dad lose his job It was
my moms fault she told me about the death of her father It was
Eliza’s fault that lady o how she broke my heart It was the last
page of the book It was Wal Mart and Edgar Allen Poe It was that
fucking boyscout troop leader he made me watch when he shot
A squirrel with a bb gun then poked its eye It was my aunt’s
fault she got undressed in front of me when I was like 9 and o
screaming Christ how scarred was I she said ‘O
O Jamie its natural its fine go ahead and touch it’ It was
My nazi grandfather It was Saddam Hussein It was the cop
It was the janitor who raped the retarded man in the forest
behind the school It was the woods It was the lonely music
It was my stuffed bear lost in the trash It was my friends
that invited me to sleepovers to beat me up and hold me
down and fart right on my face It was the guy with the
pony tail who drove the motorcycle and crashed in front
of my house with some girl on the back and she died she
was splattered all over the place right by my mailbox
It was the fear the fear that stood on all the streets and
menaced with a fist
O such a fist you
would never see the likes of it on this earth It was the
yuppies from Boston in cars that called me a ugly and
a hick and a poor when I was riding my stupid bike to the store
It was when I found the den of the rats It was my birthday
It was the woods again It was the cracking snow It was the howling
On the river It was the lost tractor It was the great spirit
of despair closing its eyes and holding out its old hands
It was the winters It was the fox behind 7-11
It was the small roads and the plazas
It was my Dad crying in the garage
Oopsy daisy what is that shit
marche! tally ho! keep on going company forward march
look at me how I’ve gone on its all good its fine
I shall sorrow no more I use the device of HA HA
on this road I use it so much I might be driving in a car
At the highest speed 5th gear and the engine is going
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
All the way
You can see me probably I have the convertible I am
Wearing those goggles and the long scarf Away I go
I am the troubador of grand mischief see my dance
My dance will take me up the mountain where I
Will be at peace in the mist I will look out yonder
And my heart will agree with me and nod and
We will sit in rocking chairs on the top of the
Mountain
ah yes, my heart and I
But no really lets get back to the tale this
is just inexcusable don't ask for a refund tho
my dad was a good man he was
a good guy he went down to Florida
we left him in Uncle Bob’s house
that was filled with ghosts and
Styrofoam cups you know it was
Awkward as all hell
So
4-
Uncle Bob gets back to it like
MY COUNTRY ‘TIS OF THEE
SWEET LAND OF LIBERTY
MUSLIMS STEAL 50000 JOBS
AND KILL AN EDUCATED WOMAN
And my dad he just settin there and its really DAWNING on him
BLINDING thoughts as ‘holy smokes my brother is raving my brother has
swum out
He is drowning not waving O my stars what is a brother and a father to do’
uncle bob was waving his arms and screaming
uncle bob was waving a tiny flag and hehe
and trying to move but stuck in his evil chair
just in all a panic about the ragheads my dad
went on and spit in the can and stood himself up and went on and said,
"bob you believe this shit you gotta get some help brother
there are no jihadis hiding in arizona er i mean let me say
there might be a few here and there but not every muslim lady
driving a minivan round tampa bay is smuggling 15 tons
of bombs in her kids' underwear and packpacks why
don't you just give it a rest bob
you look like you done expired on the shelf brother
you look like you shook hands with the bubonic plague man
you know I know theres a lotta wackos out in this world
Islams included I got an aversion and I mean a real aversion
for any sort of extreme kind of fellow myself but I mean whats
the use in hatin them brother Bob it is not good for anyone and
it sucks up your life we all gonna die one way or another brother
shit I mean look at you self Bob you damn like a goddam
armchair Robinson Crusoe you stranded on your own island in your
own house shit cuz look here really Bob everybody a wacko in their own
little old way I know that you are a wacko so am I I am a crazy sometimes I go in my underwear and speak in tongues I sometimes cling for the moon when I’m in my boat I near drowned that time I dance on my rug and hold a torch some days I pretend that I am a floating mustache and that nobody can see me I pretend I am an ancient Chinaman wise in the ways I other times take into consideration freeing the animals from the zoo and giving them to the poor I am insane Brother Bob I wore a dress in secret I am insane Brother Bob just like you and in fact I tell you Brother I am a Muslim too what
about that now?”
uncle bob said dammit fuck
brother fred you one of them and
shot my dad in the stomach
with that pistol in his boot
