XLVII

okay so i've been somewhat neglectful of this but here are rough parts 9-11 of prayer rugs and in case you had forgotten i was just sitting in jail and someone had just come to claim me now who would that be???

9-

it shouldn’t surprise anyone that it was

an aunt

my aunt shall we say but it don’t matter

because theres always an aunt or a mother

somewhere behind the fence reaching

through the cracks and pinching

your cheeks or delivering your lunch

or a slap or other more

seriously enduring issues

but hey

why

talk about that shit now

My aunt in she wafts into the cell in yellows like

A fart hiding in the health food aisle of

A regular grocery store

its such a villainous thing you know cuz

most of the time you don’t even know

you have an aunt until its too late and

they’re at you’re door standing in the snow

on some Christmas morning that is gonna

be all hell of awkward cuz theres just

this aunt

that showed up and who the hell do you

think you are you aunts coming around

here all lookin like a creepy or a

more real version

of your mom or dad

who the hell do these aunts think they are

what gives them the right

to just come out of nowhere and

ruin a man for no good reason

I swear an aunt is like a garbagey bird

Divebombing you down in the swimming pool

a cheek I mean for god sakes everyone

knew that pinchin a cheek is no fun

way back in the 50’s so why does this aunt gotta pinch

even if she don’t touch you shes still pinchin but

I don’t talk to none of the aunts or relations or people

because they’re all batshit theres

Old Uncle Bob of course may he die slow

Theres the dead aunt judy

Theres the aunt beth practicing rituals in Bakersfield

Theres that creepy uncle who’s a lawyer

Theres the psycologist who gave me a softball for Christmas

Theres the camera man

The dude who works in Sloban autobody

The bouncer

The linguist

O and heres this aunt that I guess I have

Coming out of nowhere for no good reason

Just to ruin a man like some garbagey bird

Shoot

I’m still doing my first pushup I say

I’m busy aunt take thee away

Thou foul cloud, thou clod of doo

She pinched me and called me

Naughty then it was such an

Embarrassment she tried to pick me

Up and carry me out of the jail as if I were a fetus fallen from the clouds but I wasn’t having it I kicked and screamed so she tried to lead me out by the hand

And all the while she is yelling at the cops

Deploring the criminal reformation system

The prison industrial complex

Using all words and shit that nobody

Even trying to hear goddamit I tell you

These folks they get a hold of some damned book

By a dude with a black turtleneck on and they just go on

With their antidisestablishmentarianisms and

then she took me away, we

Left the Spaniard weeping into his hat, she

put me in the shotgun seat and she

put on some Bob Dylan, I

was gonna shit like

give me prison give me death take the aunt away from me I will not cooperate

with you you aunt

while you are singing Masters of War

I sing I Shall be Released

From you

We drove through Deerfield

She had this little black truck

Just covered to high hell with

These bumper stickers like

One of those little fish with legs

That says DARWIN

And another one said said

Kiss me I’m organic and

A lesbian

There was that coexist one

I mean you get the idea

“I’d rather be in New York City—

--then in tiny ass letters—

because New York City is the center

of culture and sophistication

and liberal outlooks”

and then there was this really

weird one that said

‘if you think this car is tiny

THEN YOU SHOULD SEE MY HUSBAND’

I was at a loss But didn’t ask her because

I knew the explanation would take a long time

but I tell you what,

I’d rather be fishin

I’d rather be in the archeology dig

I’d rather be back in 5

I’d rather be paragliding

I’d rather be google image searching boobs

I’d rather have a broom and sweep up the rest

I’d rather give you a taste of my boot

I’d rather be on the mountain

I’d rather be fruit punch

I’d rather be quick draw mcgraw

I’d rather not

It was all quiet and she said so

How does it make you feel

That you were in jail?

Then

Did you know

That I went to college?

Speaking of scholars and critics I

Bet they would all shit on this tale

I’m telling here like oooo well it

Appears to be nothing but

Adolescent drivel with a

Confused and longwindedly

Vague narrative in my

Opinion the piece isnt

Worth much in fact

It isnt worth anything,

Its simply bad and oh

That vernacular he employs like

The poor soul is trying to masquerade

As a louisianna swamp rat its all

Very trite………….

But I don’t give a shit I would tell

Em to can it I would say fuck you bookworms

I don’t need to defend a fucking thing I do the

Only thing I’ll say is that you can’t say shit

About how I talk cuz that’s one thing for sure

Is theres no fucking vernacular wherenever you

Go cuz the white boys talk like the niggers and

The city folk talk like the country people so I’m

Going to tell my tale in the way that I most please

And you can bite my ass if you got a problem ok

And ya I don’t know a thing about politics except

That it piss me off and a dude that don’t understand

A thing also get to rage in his corner in fact

That shit is mostly what America is

Supposed to be about

Right?

Well don’t tell me I forgot my

Pencil when I went to vote and

I accidentally said something

That offended a woman so I

Just kept my mouth shut but

I saw Wino Willie go by with

The rest of the boys

Riding the rude hogs

Just some rude dudes

They rode in the pack

‘O pack of wolf geese,

Take me with you I say,

Take me to booze fighter mountain,

Give me the leather vest

And the shades so that

We can live together and

Be like the outlaws of the marsh’

I was pressed up against

The window like a bat

But they didn’t see me

Because my aunt swerved

The car away and said

Oh my god jesus Christ

Its those fucking bikers

That live on the mountain

Those are TERRIBLE men

James you watch out for

THOSE kinds of people

They have beer guts but

Don’t have an education

Those men are EVIL

THEY DON’T RESPECT CULTURE

THEY VOTED FOR BUSH

THEY EAT MEAT AND DON’T COMPOST

NO THEY DIDN’T THEY DIDN’T VOTE AT ALL

THEY KNOW PEOPLE IN THE MILITARY

Whatever says I sitting slouchy

I draw cryptograms in the

Window with my breath and

Concoct something cruel cuz

I am the Ron Jeremy of hate

Its like 3 feet long haha

I have been waiting for a while

To burn something to the ground

Watch me while I put on

My boots and rise from

The bed where I have

Dreams and nightmares

Where I am the infected ship

Drifting into port

See me in the early morn

Where the yellow flag hangs

Where the mist covers the docks

And the sailors and loaders by the marina

They see me drifting, cursed lantern,

Cracked yellow paper it’s the sign

That disease is wafting over town

Nobody knows what im thinking bout

thank god

In the house my aunt brewed some bullshit

And I was looking around the room

I had never been there before I think

My aunt forgot that I existed before

She heard my dad got killed she probably

Thought it was her duty to take care of

A wayward waif

She sure as hell didn’t want to tho I could just tell

I asked if there was a TV and she laughed like

I was the king of funnies and said

“Haaaahaaaaaaaa how drole of course not

Television will rot your mind” then she

Took out this little computer wrapped in

Bark and said I only listen to the news

And she said you know james I am very

Informed

About the state of the world and of this country

I would be very glad to teach you about the

Things I know

And she showed me a

Powerpoint presentation

About fairtrade coffee and how

IT WAS UNJUST!!!!!!

Again she said let me teach you

I said no i’ll teach you about goin to the store

And buying a goddam tv

so I can watch COPS

I’ll teach you about

The flower drum

Crescent Moon b4 dawn

Butterfly lovers

Hoo hoo

I put my finger up to my mouth

And grinned real coy naughty

She sighed and I think she called me a philistine

Under her breath

like a coward

And she said to change the subject

You know, this country is being ruined

There are so many poor, uneducated people in this country

And they are ruining everything, really

They’ll bring us all down to their level

For instance, look at these articles here

I didn’t move from the couch so she said

Out loud like standing behind a podium,

IDIOT MAN BELIEVES IN GOD

REPUBLICAN NEWS CHANNEL LIES

NEW WALMART LOCATION DESTROYS A DUCK’S HABITAT

TEXAS MAN BEATS UP HIS DAUGHTER

CONSERVATIVES ASSEMBLE SOMEWHERE AND THREATEN

FOOL MISPELLS THE HOLY QU’RAN IN CONSERVATIVE NEWS REPORT

REPUBLICAN STEALS SOMETHING FROM THE TREASURY AND LIES LATER

STUDIES REVEAL THAT IF YOU DO NOT USE ECO FRIENDLY TOILET PAPER YOU ARE A BAD

INDIVIDUAL

IN FACT YOU BASICALLY HAVE KILLED

A DEFENSELESS ANIMAL OF SOME SORT

she hovered in the corner with her elbow

Resting on a book about impressionist painters

It was making me crazy I imagined

Dance at Bougival that dude is smoking meth in the background

Path Leading to the High Grass How many Bud Limes can you shotgun?

Starry Night Just farted dude

Ya I know impressionism is the only like real art but you know

this goddam aunt has that coffee table book in her house its

just hard for me to bang it into my head that some things are

still rad even when a goddam dirty aunt is in the social club all

goin off about monet or manet I cant remember the difference

but another thing that is hard for me to bang into your head is

that I have no real feeling about anything at all SO THERE I

JUST WANT TO WATCH COPS ON TV IM DREAMING AGAIN

I said you bitch it smells like kombucha

Get me out of here I have business to attend to

At this very moment and I shall not be impeded

By some goddam knitting circle drum circle

devil hippy I’m gonna nail your ass

I tried to jump up and kick her with my steel toe but

She was college educated she lived in Berkeley too

And she resisted like a white cow in the road I could see her

Muddy little eyes glowing like the bottom she said

I am resisting non-violently and grabbed me

But I socked her in the schnoz and

ran away to the room where she put my stuff

And hid underneath the grateful dead blanket

I threw a tiny tantrum I turned into a

Chihuahua I shit on the floor and yipped

Also peed in a place that I will not reveal

Then I wrote in doggie slobber on the walls

‘I hate the whole fucking world

so the world

better hate me’

I escaped out the back and fell in

The compost pile filled with McGriddles wrappers

Now aint that funny you aren’t supposed to be

Eating that shit you wacky liberal

reap what you

Sow you fucking cow

I squatted in the bushes and said to myself you know this lady is just like everybody else she full of shit she trying to act like she got it all covered and politically correct and shit like 24/7 but cant nobody keep that shit up all the time just look at this its ridiculous everyone turns into a fascist especially when they’re trying their hardest not to so you know what I think I’m just gonna write this note to my aunt here and high tail it cuz you know I feel bad about her being a crazy shes really gonna hurt somebody one day if she don’t watch out but there isnt too much I can do about it cuz I have to get going I have to be on my way I have to go kill my uncle because he killed my father isnt that the right thing to do I don’t know so much anymore but I hear music playing from somewhere nearby it sings

Laaaaaaaaaaaady in red is daaaaaaaaancing with me!!!

You know it’s the best when

Something dumb happens right

When you’re thinking

Something too serious

So I sang laaaaaaaaaady in red and

I wrote the note to my aunt:

“REMEMBER THE FUTURISTS

YOU’RE JUST LOOKING AT

THE OTHER END OF THE CALENDAR

FUCK YOU”

Then I tied my note to a piece of processed salami

It was the first time I had used all caps

I guess I was really pissed but no matter I

threw the note in the window and

when I heard the bang I knew

that my aunt had read it and

hahaha that was perfect I didn’t even

Have to make a bomb she just

blew her damn self up

when she read the note

10-

I ran away walked down the road

With a straw hat and my step was

Like paris going down in flames it wasn’t long

Before I hitched a ride with Wino Willie

Funny seeing you again it must be fate whats

Your astrological sign my man?

No answer of course

he let me ride in the side car he gave me a

good road soda and the goggles to wear

he looked over I think he smiled but

his beard hid it all

so wisely calculated

we drove over the mountain

I saw the stronghold

The ladies and the boys of booze fighter mountain they all

saluted me it was a great day for a dude and

They threw me the leather vest

From afar

It said, “BOOZE FIGHTER MOUNTAIN GANG”

I had the name tag

said “hobo jimbo”

I said bravo bravo boys you are too kind

And I saluted the mountain gang with every

Kind of cheer I knew and

It was strange I felt like

I had only roasted

One weenie

Round the fire

Before I was spinning in a

Circle I was like a pissed

Ancestor spinning in my urn

If I had a soul it would have

Been whistling Dixie and

Shooting the buck off at

That fucker in the moon and

Suddenly I was saying

Goodbye!

Goodbye ladies and gents of

Booze fighter mountain I

Will be back you know!

and they said

Come on back now the

Catskills they got big arms

And dam sho there is room

For you here right on with us

You know the moon is a plate

Every night and it just heaped

With the dinners for all so just

Whenever you want to come

Back we will light the fires

And sing the songs got it?

I said aye and shed a tear

For I wanted to stay on the

Mountain but I had to go and

Kill uncle bob and besides I

Knew that if I stayed I would

Eventually hate it

Durn how that happens and

I would tell you more about

It but you know that thing

Where it’s a lot easier to

Talk about hell than heaven

Well it happened here just

Like it happened to Dante

And just like it happened

To Milton and pretty much

Everybody else you all know

How aint no poet gonna write

A thing except about one

Kind of hell or another

Nowwwww wellll then aint we all

Just a bunch of blue yodelers sheesh

But that’s just that so

the things I like the most,

I high tail it on away from so

That I can stick em in my bag

That way I can dream about em later

But I don’t tell noone about that

11-

and

you know that’s what really

saves a dude or a lady,

its those dreams they save up in the backpacks and it’s the ones that stay at the bottom

down with the busted pens and the receipts down in the dust so that you cant trade em

for a backstage pass and a goddam picture of yourself

in a coffee table book in an aunt’s house

it’s the dreams that stay dreams you don’t want them to come true because if they did

they wouldn’t be dreams anymore and most folks know that the rest is garbage

So when I go in the wilds I look in the patches of dark green and I wonder when

Will that day come when I can look in the eyes of the fawns hiding back there and

I wont start quaking in my boots while I’m getting wacked in the face by

Fantasies of starving and beards, wrists all lookin like a darn cheese stick,

Oooooo lost In the snow gone forever how

do I even think in the silence?

How do I live back there its wet in the mornings and at night

it doesn’t matter if

Anything is in bloom

what I mean is that

If the woods give you nightmares

You’re probably giving the woods bad dreams

I was going around in the woods somewhere i

Don’t mean to be a pastoral but sometimes it’s a

Place where you just end up

and I got to thinking

About the whole thing

with my backpack heavy

As hell

and the water was wide

and I got to thinking

That maybe this wasn’t even about my dad and Uncle Bob

Anymore and maybe i was just pissed off cuz I’m a little dude and

Sometimes I get too big for my britches

and I think that I’m right

and somebody else gotta be wrong

in that case

so I gotta show em

that I’m right

ya I was pretty much

Losin it

I climbed into the abandoned

Nests I listened for the good I

Sat in the field and forgave the

Whole entire world I really

Meant it that time I tied

My last bottle of whiskey to

A balloon and sent it away

Shooed it away real polite wrote

A note and tied it to the bottle dedicated it

As a gift to the man on the moon who we all know

Does nothing but get down on an old Jim Beam

Well now this here is the problem I have is

That I cannot figure out if I should hate

Everything or love everything and then

I realize that everything shouldn’t even

Be in the goddam equation because when

I think it over I’m probably 5 feet tall and

I ride the bus and sometimes have bodily functions and

Cant do complicated math and when I think about

Complicated historical stuff or a philosophy thing i

Usually shit my pants so in short I

Am about as significant as a pube

And I just wound up on my back

I gave my dreams to various owls

And listened to their hoots I just

Laughed and laughed and mused like a dumbass Its so funny

how you can hate a person just cuz

You think you got them figured out and

It’s a goddam riot how smart you think

You are sometimes we all ought to get

Down on our knees and take it all back

Because you never know a goddam thing but

having somebody tell you that

Just fucks it up even worse,

I rock back and forth

with the tide

face down covered in

Starfish how I calmed the tides of the moon and

Did a waltz by myself without

Feeling too bad about it and

Sure I listened to the flute

And shed those big wet ones

By and large I was raving for days:

Back behind there where I

Was staying at the time when there was the new moon I had to do my best to remember that I was the outlaw of the marsh because

I can never remember who plays the goddam villain and who is the good guy

So time and times I wonder while I lay in the grass and

Watch the horsemen suffer without their horses

It is very modern feeling today you know

You can see it on the thermometer that’s one thing

That makes me feel bad I wish I didn’t have to shit all over

The future and hold up a crazy sign outside the store where

I watch the folks weeping in the appliance aisle buy one

Get one free in exchange for your firstborn son

Holy hell I say where did this hooey come from why

Do folks gotta do that why cant I jes go n lay on

The pallet I made on yo flo sigh sigh I say right

i know that i pose as a workman and i pose as an orphan

i know that every lie i tell is part of my own weenie truth

i know that when i'm going somewhere i dont wanna get there

I am thinking of walking up the mountain path

i hear the gongs ringing I remember the slain times I

re-recall my orphaning and the legacy of

the saddest man he was my uncle bob

and how this old world covered him up

with the spade and the dirt

I watch from my perch and

I say that all of you can take your success

And sit on it go on and shove it up whatever

I just fall out the ground laughing til my sides

Hurt when I think about how crazy I was out

In the marshes and then my laughs come so

Hard that I near choked when I thought about

How everyone in the towns and cities and

Little tiny towns doesn’t think its downright

Crazy to be walking along somewhere and

See someone else walking along going somewhere

Why don’t you just dig me a

Hole you think it can fit in i don’t mind if

Everyone thinks I suck or failed I,

The dude of the blue yodel with the

Backpack full of smoke its just that

I will live a small life and I swear to

God I will never hurt no one I will

Leave you all alone because I know

If I try to follow all of you and make

You stop I’ll just fuck it all up worse

its like everybody that outgrows the

britches that they were born in I

got baggy pants and no twitter account,

its alright with me to sink back down

there in the gray fumes I feel alright

it doesn’t scare me like it does you and

perhaps I’m still just an incomprehending tyke I aint got

no one to take care of because that changes

things a whole lot but you wont see me

runnin around new york in a fashiony

way with a lady in the back room of the

Vietnamese restaurant treating the waitress

Like shit and checking my facebook and

Paypal account bah you can have that shit

I don’t want no apartment painted white with

Skulls covered in gems and some fur coat its

Like I’d rather spend my whole life walking

Straight to hell than I would barter with the

Devil for a trinket my wampum is no good

Just forget all about this dude right here I’m

Off to call it quits and get back to the dreams

and if you’re sick of hearing about

dreams and hearts I can see where

you’re coming from and maybe i

am a big cornball see me enter the

room holding the cheese platter to

everyone’s dismay but to hell with

it I don’t give a damn if its cheesy

I like that kind of stuff I think its important

And it sure as hell don’t mean I’m walking

Towards the grave too soon no no as I said

I sing no more blue yodels I just live with

The owls back there I have my tinies and

My daisies and the songs I didn’t want to

Be a hermit either i just set up a stronghold

Deep in the swamp we didn’t want the papers

To report about us but we hung up a sign that

Said Outlaws of the Marsh we collected swords

For purposes of honor we treated the animals

And the folks all very nicely and came out

Of the water banging the gongs together but

of course it was only me

living there

its not a popular calling I knew long ago that

Everyone is sick to hell of poets and outlaws and

Young folks who have been treated wrong by society

So not too many came to my outlaw camp

for two reasons

One because everyone knew it was just old news

They were off doing something new doing what

They call making history you know by making

Something seem old making a deal with horned one

You can check it out on tumblr

it will get sent

Right to your phone

The second reason was that I didn’t actually

do any outlaw sort of things

but there were pals that visited me

I kept them in my dreams like I always do there was

Tie he was the first guy who ever made me wake up and hey

Luke too he made everything fucked up seem like it would go away and

There was Ric he took me off into places I didn’t know where there there

Was Nico we did the moon ritual together that was the first time I felt a spirit

All it did was smile down at me

There was Larry we stood on the balcony and we sang a tune I don’t think many other folks have heard

There was Dilly Dawg Jamie he kept the coals burning even when we had to scrape em there Was Harry he drove the car around and dam sho we all rode all around the stronghold Harry at the wheel and the boys in the back we were the outlaws of the marsh even if we werent particularly outlaws none of us had the golden mark of the criminal on our faces and in fact I don’t think any of the other outlaws were there except in my bag of dreams and that’s what counts I was lying on my back underneath a tree somewhere by the lake I was having one of the dreams and did my best not to tromp on the wildflowers when I pranced new found foal and every day the hill looks like a bottle, the far away place, the flower drum, the embroidered pouch, the rendezvous in the yurt, the morning star lily,

I danced them all I remembered night with my tender heart

I remembered when

I took a great notion

I remembered black ghost fish at the bottom of the lake sticking

my hand deep in its throat its called

noodling for anguish

I remember black tar melancholia

I remember the lake girls who forgot my name and

drowned in the reeds

the tool shop in the basement where the things that fucked me

were hammered out in the soot

oh yes how I do recall and with such a fondness because I am feeling alright I am pleasant in the hillside

but I will never be holier than thou find me

down bottom feeding with catfish

I had been patrolling the sentry points

All day trying to see over the mountain

Breathing the air and such but I

Just keep on thinking and thinkin

For god sakes I had a long talk with

A good friend and

When I explained to him how I had it all

Figured out it was grand then

I went off by myself and

It all went to shit

Because I think that

Folks are good and

That it will be alright but

Why do my friends

Gotta die before theyre due it

Just upsets the bejesus outta me

And though I’m here on the hill

My outlaw post in the fall and

The mountains keep me hidden

All away I’m just thinking bout

How a good friend I know wants

Just to die and he wants to die

Cuz hesa good dude one of the

Best dudes I know and this shit makes

Me feel like I’ve been guzzling the

Yellow wine all day the whole world

Turns into shaky piss it’s a horror I say

I build the dams and before I can piss

The yellow tides just taken away those

Things I built and

I’m careering latenite on the opposite

Color the night is navy and like the

Velvet in the back rooms I’ve gone

And decided that I just buckle up

My boots without crying for my

Widow and just trompin round

Like all hell of the grace of zen

And eternal love because dam sho

You tell me to dive in your worst

Waters to get whatever you went

And dropped down in there I’ll

Say bottoms up and just swallow

Every drop of that bracken death

You got in you I’ll make it

Something better that’s

The way I work these days

I am self employed with

A bisnes card that says

URGENT VANGUARD JAMIE

OUTSTANDING RICE JAMIE

FOUNDING MEMBER OF THE OUTLAWS OF THE MARSH

DISTINGUISHED OUTLAW OF THE MARSH

THE ONLY PRESENT OUTLAW OF THE MARSH

PERSON WHO AIMS TO ASSIST MINORLY

I AM NOT LIKE MISS CLEO AT ALL AND I DON’T EVER THINK

ABOUT AIMS

YOU’LL FIND ME AROUND

I waltzed the latenite with the owls

I was the outlaw of the marsh I

Realized that I had to get out of there quick

Because sometimes I feel myself losing it

ya in fact I had been raving for like a week

I left the marsh mountain woods and just

Ended up in Florida no telling how it was

While I was going down there it was like I

Was fartin blackouts for miles and miles but

When I’m up on my mountain and I go

Down, in my head I go down to tell folks what

I have found and I dreamed wow it was a

Long dream it almost seems real if it was

I’d do it again tomorrow and if it was really

Only a dream about Uncle Bob who I went to kill but

I’ll walk the same paths I

Went down

Whenever I get the time and it

Was just like this