a girl i used to know
or 'girls i used to know'
she went by different names,
and never gave me a thing
except for traumas
i'd trundle along
and over the years,
divide her into pieces
like fence posts,
which i dabbed with some colors, i think
but mostly white,
i'd dab and mumble things about myself
that weren't flattering,
not in the least
of course,
she heard every word
and picked out the meaning,
like she was picking ruby bugs out of my hair
ruby bugs that she soon found out
were alive and scuttling, "repulsive!"
she left again and again
leaving me dabbing
or dancing awkwardly
in what i imagined
was an empty disco club*,
those times, its always winter outside
and i'd wonder how long her footprints
would be impressed in the snow
no reason to stop dancing
awkwardly alone
grooving, "why why why! where have you gone!"
dancing alone, and awkwardly
is hard work
it should have made it obvious
that she had been diddled by her father, or fathers
but i never think of these things
until its too late to retreat
and i've read that its always
too late to retreat
*i'm highly susceptible to disco's tricks
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